These days the being aspect of the present moment is more challenging that usual. If it weren’t for the consistency of change lately life would be inconsistent. This beautiful photo is from a moment where I was able to be with beauty as it presented itself for me to see. These days I feel like the caterpillar who is losing sight of their own identify as it changes into the butterfly. In combing through poems about the transformation of these lovely insects I came across many the cheesy saying as you can imagine. My favorite one of all was from George Carlin of course, it goes “The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity.” Ain’t that the truth! Feeling like a worn out caterpillar these days on the brink of changing shape and form with all the excitement and fear crescendo. Today I felt as though I would have rathered hide under a rock but instead I kept going knowing that taking flight is right around the corner. Astrologically we are in a very precarious place. I keep hearing story after story of people hitting the proverbial wall only to find that the wall crumbles and they are beginning to walk on through to the other side. I have a feeling that this week will find an exorbitant amount of butterflies flying around the Universe.
The moment of transformation where you can begin to feel the layers shedding and the raw nakedness of taking new form has got to be the ultimate in living life in the moment. I have found over the past week moments where it feels utterly breathtaking such as when I realized how beautiful taps sound on a hardwood floor during my class and other moments where my body is bracing against the fear of a storm that will probably never come. It is time for me, for you, for all of us to move into a new space full of love and happiness. But like with any process of change, there comes times when you would rather hide under the covers in your warm bed than deal with all the emotions and details. But instead I am out on this gorgeous Fall day in historic Harvard Square in a very busy coffee shop having tea with you all. The backdrop is like something out of Good Will Hunting which feels warm and welcoming. Trees of brilliant red and orange, cool crisp air and beautiful live music as the sun shines over the crowd. As lovely as the little sparrow who played near me as I listened to the violin dance with the guitar outside.In thinking about transformation and what it means I turned to a book that I seem to pick up and put down over and over again: “A Path with Heart” by Jack Kornfeld. Kornfield speaks about how to be with our difficulties. He shared “…often the most difficult and insistent ones can lead us to open our bodies, hearts and minds. In doing so, we discover that these were never our true identity. Under all the tears, the pain, the fear, and the anger we have contracted our self around, we can find freedom, joy and ease in the face of all life.” So beautifully spoken and so true. Once we shed what we no longer need we are able to move into a space of fluidity of mind, body and spirit. The moments in between this and that during transformation are the windows into our soul. In my work with addicts and alcoholics I hear all the time that people want to be where they are not. Everyone wants a year sober when they are a month sober. They want to know how to deal with the projected troubles to come in the future before those troubles are presented. We all go through times when we want to be where we are not. But it is in embracing these moments of excitement, fear, despair, frustration, irritation that we come into who we really are at the core. The caterpillar was always the butterfly just in a different form. Who you are becoming is who you have always been just dressed differently so people couldn’t see. I tell my clients that the process of recovery isn’t about becoming someone you are not. In fact recovery is about becoming who you have always been. The healing and recovery process from the past is just a journey that brings you closer to your truest form.In his book Kornfield quotes Ryokan
From my heart to yours have a beautiful day full of moments of joy, fear, anger, frustration, excitement, love and all the rest. As mindfulness teaches us…all we have is the moment and it’s these moments that shape who we are at our core.