These trees along my walk the other day reminded me of myself.
Waiting for the next step to occur.
Winter is coming. Or maybe it’s already here.
It feels like we are all on the brink of something.
Yes there will probably be a rough going winter here in the North East but that is not what I am speaking of. There is something else brewing.
2016 you have been one big bad B*tch I must say. You have taken more from me than I would have ever freely given up. You made me look straight in the mirror and face my biggest fear.
That would be my fear of failing. Which in turn always ends up meaning you are most afraid of success.
Afraid of success? That makes no damn sense. But yes, that is what it is or was I should say. That moment when you look in the mirror and think “who would I be if I was truly happy in every sense of the word? Who would that person even be? Would I still be me”
For a good long time I think I rode on the coat tails of being “the underdog” The one everyone rooted for. The one that everyone crossed their fingers would finally “make it” because she “deserved it.” I collected many people over the years who gave me “breaks” and helped me in ways that would set me on the path for success. All the while I had my fingers crossed too; albeit they were hidden behind my back.
I worked hard, like any strong resilient hard working woman, but all the while feeling like most likely what I wanted was just beyond my reach.
2016…you flipped the script.
You knew that there were changes that were needed that I couldn’t find my way to on my own. And in that way, you blew a Nor’easter through my life and wiped out all the old stuck energies that were taking up space.
You stripped me bare b*tch!
And you forced me.
You forced me to see
What I couldn’t
That I didn’t need those stuck energies in my life.
That I didn’t need the security I have so deeply clung to my entire adult life.
You showed me something that I couldn’t see clearly before.
That I am a force to be reckoned with.
That I am resilient beyond what I ever would have imagined in the past.
That the part of me that clung so deeply to being an underdog was scared. Scared that I wasn’t as strong as I actually am.
But you forced me. To look deeply into my own soul to see.
And what I saw was this beautiful woman,
So raw and beautiful
So strong, resilient and thriving.
It is in this rawness that I was able to see just how strong I actually am. I saw that I didn’t need to be scared of the things that would be brilliant and beautiful up ahead. I didn’t have to worry that I would fall through a black hole because there has always been solid earth beneath me.
It is in this awareness that I am finally able to breathe deeper and more freely. Life doesn’t look much different in this moment than it did in other moments earlier this year but I feel different. And in some ways I look different too.
2016 I can finally say “What’s up Beeach! How you doing girl?”
I am doing well. I am ok. I am stripped bare but I am beautiful. I am resilient. I am love.
These days have all been about reflection. My life is beginning to take a new shape and form. Our little community here at You and Me with Tea will have a new home soon in my new website featuring it;s own new shape and mission.
Life is good. Life is real. I am feeling as alive these days as I could ever be. How has our girl 2016 been to you? Has she taken your knickers too? Share below what you have come to learn and how you have grown.
Cheers to beautiful resilient YOU!
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