As the crimson, yellow and orange leaves are blowing in the wind., I watch them swirl around me creating a beautiful storm as the sun starts to set. The glimmer of sunlight almost blinding to my eyes so I close them to feel the warmth within. It is in this moment that I allow myself to truly feel the shifts that are happening within.
I feel a lightness of being that I haven’t felt in a long time.
In that moment I smile knowing that something has changed. It feels like the micro moment of positivity that Barbara Fredericksen, PhD speaks about in her book Love 2.0. She shares that happiness is created through collecting these various positive micro moments. You remember her right? We talked about her in our chat Love is Everything.
Hmm my heart feels warm now just thinking of all of this:)
More recently I have felt myself come alive in a way that is reminiscent of beauty and light. Almost like a light has turned on within and I am finding myself smiling more easily and often. I don’t know what this is due to and I’m not working on trying to figure that out. All I can say is that something feels different.
I feel as though I am shedding the layers of the past and being reborn. Much like these leaves that are leaving their trees for the winter, I feel like I am slowly (if not very slowly) beginning to leave the doom and gloom behind me. Redemption feels like it is occurring and the bulbs have been planted for some flowers in the Springtime.
A blossoming of authenticity is taking place.
Tell me your secret you ask “how did this happen?”
I don’t exactly know. Time, I could say but that wouldn’t be fair enough. What would be fairer to me would be to say taht it has been the work that I have done this year to break free of the fear that someone or something is going to get me. For quite a while, I had been stuck in this place of feeling like I am like five years old and scared of the boogie man. Almost like how I felt every time I walked down my grandparents cellar stairs as a young one and saw the wall paneling that looked like monsters to me.
In a way I have always been scared of my own shadow. This would surprise some because over the decades I have become a pretty strong woman with a fairly strong personality. But I think, much like men get muscles to “represent” so to speak, so did I with my boldness.
Being a sensitive soul has it’s pros and cons. For me, being emotionally sensitive has become as much a gift as it is a curse. I am sensitive in almost every way which can feel overwhelming at times.
But lately, the projected fears have begun to subside and I am feeling more settled on my path.
My heart has expanded and softened in a way that only could have happened through walking the path of pain. It has been the process of allowing myself to open to what will be that has helped me to realize that what will be is ever arising in the present moment. The more open I am to being present the more open I become to allowing life to unfolds as it should.
That has been the most fascinating part. All the planning, plotting and projected fear locks me down into a place of the past or future which almost always has me lost in a vortex. It is only when I am able to suspend in the air of being here that I am able to experience life as it should be; with all it’s ambiguity and lack of sureity.
Last weekend I was at a Reiki training and one of the presenters had us sing this quote by Leonard Cohen…
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a light in everything
That is how the light gets in.”
My eyes teared up as I was singing.
All the pressure, all the fear has always been about trying to get things right; trying to be perfect. I have always held deep fears about failing. Almost three years ago when the ground broke up from under my feet and I moved into full time self employment, the stakes suddenly felt like they got a hell of a lot higher. The fall off the cliff felt steeper and that there was more I had to lose.
I don’t think I consciously realized that by creating that crack I would be able to shine more brightly from within. But that is exactly what has happened. Nothing about this path has been perfect. I have made many mistakes along the way and at times felt like I was barely keeping my head above the water; and yet I did.
The cliff dive happened, the stumbling has occurred and now I feel like I am ready to spread my wings and fly.
Open up to the possibilities in life. Let go of all the fear. instead of assuming the worst, why not expect the best? All the preparations I have done in my head for things to not work out have blocked my creativity. They have also not come true. When I am in fear, I do not write which is probably why my conversations with you have slowed down over time.
It is with a tear and a smile that I say I would like that to change. I would like us to be more connected and less fragmented. I vow to allow the cracks to continue to occur so the light can shine in for me to share it with you.
Be well my friends…be well
And as always…..
Want a little support and guidance along the way? Contact Me and we will get you on your road to health and happiness!